jjenvy.

 I'm still in a limbo situation. But whenever I listen to "Future"   I feel that concern wash away.  Like the song sung by Doris Day "Lo Que sera...sera" (what will be...will be) Que Sera Sera Whatever will be will be The future's not ours to see   Because I'm tired of overthinking the future.  Let me just take care of the issues/dealings of today. okay?  good. ^ me fighting those anxiety giving thoughts lmao ^

How many cycles do you need to go through until you have to break it. I feel like dumbass chasing this person. It's been 2 yrs and nothing gives. You don't make up your mind. You sound like a hypocrite. I'm done. We learn to when to quit. I have tried. But it's becoming unhealthy. The new year is coming.  And I am ready to start clean. You have my number. Call if you please. But you are off that pedestal.

Depression sucks. Anxiety sucks.  A lot of things may suck.  But we have to remember that we have to at least have some hope. As lame as it sounds. Having even a single drop of optimism helps. We can get through this. I believe.

I doubt people will read this. But you do happen to read this. Hi. Journal Entry #1 I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm clinically diagnosed and go to therapy for it. The only people who know this is my therapist and the people who actually listen to me. And one friend and I think one assuming friend if they care about that aspect of mine. I feel numb at times. Sometimes I feel that I need someone to drag me through something to feel.  Sometimes I feel like I might need my insides pulled, yanked, ripped apart to feel something. Or should I just float away and numb myself and forget all the crap. But I'd become a wuss, running away from the shit I can be facing. It's a grimy scummy fight between both sides of me. Later, jjenvy

I like that person. The idea of you. Hopefully the real you. Our many conversations we've had.  Truer words I've ever spoken. But I hope the things you have told me are true. The things that I feel we connected with, the similarities and curiosities. I want to be there for you. f_ck, why don't you hear me? Don't you see my heart yearning to hear back from you? To see if your day went well? That you're okay? You live miles away from me. I shouldn't like this person who I talk to over a webcam. It feels unreal. But I want it to be real. There wasn't anything? There? When I try to not think of you. It's ripping me apart. It's like I flood my heart with warmth and joy and then it cools quickly. Where's the isolation? The seal to keep the warmth? The realness that I want so terribly. EDIT:  Fuck getting hung up on guys.  I'm gonna work on myself. K bye ✌

Hi again, I didn't think I would be back but, here I am. I need to get something off my chest here. On a blog that no one reads. ha Lately, I've been dealing with much thinking -  the things that I've done in the past. I gave too much. I like to give.  But there comes a point where things lose it's value after being given multiple times. It's like overproduction lowers the value and if the item is a limited edition that value is high. That's how I felt with a few things in the past. I've given things to people of exposed valuable emotions to people, people that I've held close. But later, I realized they didn't value our moments or items as I'd thought they would - mutually. I give and give someone more and feel drained. I don't get much in return. It get's me tired and leaves me thinking  should I even bother? should I invest anymore? Between you and me reader, it's focused in a few ...